The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
