Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
