I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
