mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
