So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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