...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its not stalking. its research.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
