So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
