a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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