kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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