Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
