Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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