i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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