last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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