i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
