2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
