Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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