walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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