Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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