Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
