you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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