Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
