i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
