No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
