I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize