Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
