Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up backwards on a recliner
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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