i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Everything about him screamed your future.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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