You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
