We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
