so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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