can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
