did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
