I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
