This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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