I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize