I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
