The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
