I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
