hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
