I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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