We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
