I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
