not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
