dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
