I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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