So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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