my phone needs a breathalizer
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
