I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
