i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
