1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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