It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
