I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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