If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
