it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
