Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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