...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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