i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i think my cat just said my name.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
