No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How's work?
Spinning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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