I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
