woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
