I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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