Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
