Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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