of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize