Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
