Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
