so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
