I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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