Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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