Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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