dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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