if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
