even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
