Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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