Screwed.edu
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
