conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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